It's a Christmas Fucking Miracle
by aesirborn
Summary: The Avengers try out 3DMG. It's sort of Christmas. That's it. Prompt: ana-the-unknown said: *whispers* The avengers learning to use the 3DGears from snk„


**A/N: This was a sort of christmas-y prompt from ana-the-unknown on tumblr. She is lovely, and you should follow her now.** **Literally not much happens here at all.**

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"Merry Christmas," Coulson had said, when he first delivered the mess. "Here's your present from S.H.I.E.L.D."

"So, what is this stuff?" Tony asked, looking at the mess of harnesses that Coulson has delivered for them. They stood in the gymnasium of the Avengers Tower, and on a mat before them all of the Avengers stared at the mess of harnesses, machinery, and blades.

Coulson pinched the bridge of his nose, and said, "It's called 3D Maneuver Gear, or 3DMG. It was recently invented and sold to the government by Angel Altonen," he continued, holding up a set himself, "and Director Fury would like the Avengers to experiment with the use of it. It's also being sold to the army."

"I can already fly," Tony whined.

Coulson interrupted whatever he was about to say next, by saying, "Just shut up and put it on."

They already struggled with the gear for a few minutes—that was, Clint and Bruce struggled with it, Tony crossed his arms and pouted, muttering about how there were better things to do with his time, Steve fell on his face trying to get his other leg through the loop, Natasha did fine on the second try, and Thor nonchalantly put on all the gear as if he'd been using it his entire life. Since Thor struggled with things like overalls and tuxedos, Tony found this irritating.

"I don't understand why I have to do this," Bruce said, "I'm no good as myself, and the other guy will just destroy all this expensive equipment."

"I bought eggnog for later," Coulson said, "just do this so I can tell Fury you tried."

After many long minutes of struggling, everybody except for Tony was all strapped up into their gear. Clint was complaining that it was digging into his skin, for which he'd received a swat from Natasha, "_ow, Nat,_" and Thor seemed mildly confused about it all still.

Next up was ropes suspended from various levers and pulleys in the ceiling, and, yay, more harnesses. Natasha went first on the harnesses, after they'd received minimal instruction from Coulson. Their task was to stay upright, and try swinging a bit. She wobbled for a moment, but quickly found her balance, swinging on the ropes and holding herself up, before Bruce and Coulson let her down.

Thor gave it a shot next, and he actually stunned them all, because he was like a natural on it. He was instantly on balance and swinging about, and as Bruce gaped, Thor requested, "would you please let me down?"

Thor was released, and next was Steve. He too, struggled with it initially like Natasha, but after a few minutes adjusting he got himself upright and swinging, picing up on the task easily just like everything else in his life.

Then went the last two. Clint chose to go before Bruce, and spent a good four minutes with all the blood rushing to his head, complaining, "I'd rather do this grappling with a bow and arrow." Finally, though, he managed to gain his balance standing upright, but the moment he tried to swing he fell over again, knocking his head harshly on the mat.

He was let down, and then Bruce was put into the harnesses. That was where it all went downhill. As soon as the ropes were tightened, Bruce flipped over, immediately hitting his head off of the padding on the floor, making a harsh thump aside from the softness.

Steve attempted to encourage him, saying, "Pull yourself forward on your legs, it's like doing a front flip," he said gently.

"I can't do flips," Bruce mumbled. Feeling a bit lightheaded from hanging like this. It wasn't doing anything good for his senses, certainly.

"Natasha, can you help?" Steve asked, turning towards her.

Natasha looked up from fiddling with her harnesses, and said, "nope."

"Look, I just don't think I have the leg muscle for it," Bruce said, "please let me down."

Thor walked over, and turn Bruce upright, pressing softly on his abdonem. "Flex these muscles more," he explained, "and flex your thighs, more than your legs as a whole. You have to use all the muscles in your body," he went on, "but you have to use them correctly."

Bruce followed Thor's advice, looking apprehensive as Thor stepped away, but he found himself sticking up, and swung nervously for a moment. "Well," Tony breathed out, "It's a Christmas fucking miracle."

"Your turn, Stark," Coulson said with a sigh as he and Clint let Bruce down. Bruce sighed as his feet touched ground again.

"Mmm, maybe not," Tony deflected, before glancing at Thor. "Say, Thor, how are you so good at this anyways?"

"We use technology like this in Asgard sometimes, when we fight the Jötnar," Thor explained, "but I prefer Mjõlnir."


End file.
